Is this okay?

Author Topic: Is this okay?  (Read 799 times)

delaplante

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Is this okay?
« on: May 29, 2013, 06:03:05 PM »
So I have this idea for a script but I'm having trouble wording the log line, could you help me ?

The story will be about this girl who has a very large tight-knit mixed family (step parents, who all have many people in their family etc) but she can't find it in herself to love everyone. She is depicted as a very innocent caring girl, but really when something tragic happens (which it often does) in her family she doesn't feel anything. She's never felt anything towards anyone until she meets this boy and falls in love.

The boy is almost like the opposite of her, he can't help but love everybody, though he is depicted as some ungrateful rebellious boy. He does not love her back because he feels like he has no love left to give.

The girl continues to pursue him, maybe seeming a little obsessive, because she believes that love is who ever 'gives up' first. She falls in love with the boy, but the boy doesn't love her back, so she believes either she will give up on him and move on, or he will give up and find a way to love her.


So far I have two log lines but they seem kind of weird and they don't make that much sense...
1) A girl who knows too many people to love them all falls in love with a boy who loves too many people to love her back.
2) A girl who is expected to love everyone, but does not, falls in love with a boy who is not expected to love anyone, but does.

Thanks !

pattypicasso

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Re: Is this okay?
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2013, 07:26:04 PM »
A log line introduces the main character, their drive, and the obstacle(s) they have to face in their attempt to achieve the drive. Sometimes they introduce setting, time, etc.

After reading what you've wrote I can deduce that the main character is the very innocent caring girl.

I am guessing that what she wants is the love of the ungrateful rebellious boy and her obstacle is that the boy doesn't feel the same way toward her as she toward him.

The only issue I find with your log lines is the unneeded information. The "knows too many people to love them all" or "is expected to love everyone." Though it may be important to your story or character development, it does not strike me as the main plot of your story. It seems more like background information if anything.

Were I to write a log line with the information you have provided, I would go something along the lines of:

"The innocence of a young girl is shattered as she falls in love with a boy who can never learn to love her back."

That still needs work, but I feel as though it is a start. At least a basic log line to work with and improve.

These are just my thoughts and opinions. I hope that they help.